Cal lives in Toronto. Among the young gay “in” crowd, he is a bit of an outsider due to the fact he’s still in high school. He leads a fairly independent life. His parents give him the freedom to make his own decisions, hang out with anyone he wants, and stay out all weekend if he so desires. Cal goes to school where he started a Gay-Straight Alliance (GSA), works part-time in a retail store, and spends 20 hours a week volunteering for various queer youth programs. He’s a good student and his boss loves him. He’s very devoted to his volunteer work. While Cal forms strong opinions on issues and pushes them in arguments with others, his mind is also generally open to new things.
Cal has a way of flirting that communicates his energy for sex and his desire to love and be loved. Cal is known for his excellent skills at sex. Some people describe Cal as earthy and raw, fun and adventurous. Cal is always happy when he stumbles on a new person who might be good to have sex with. Although Cal enjoys sex with lots of people, he is still also conducting a search for a life-long companion.
Because of the generally negative slant that gets put on sexuality, Cal began to feel guilty for all the fun he was having. He became torn between what came naturally to him and what society told him he should do. One day, when his self-esteem was very low (he was worried that the boy he was with wouldn’t like him), Cal had unprotected sex. Feeling intense regret and fear, he turned to his circle of friends for support. But instead, Cal was scolded and called a slut. Rumor got around fast and cal felt alone, confused, and scared. The way Cal was treated by his peers, as it turns out, felt like the kind of oppression that comes from homophobic bigots. In reality, his friends were taking out their own guilt and jealousy on him, not realizing that oppressing the sexuality of others also oppresses themselves.
Cal, who loves sex, faces jealous rumors and sneers and is forced to doubt what is instinctive and fun. Instead of getting support for taking responsibility, and direction to ovvercome the mistake he has made, he comes under fire for something everyone feels some guilt about. People who have sex are often seen as the bad person because of the system of power and guilt.
In order to overcome guilt, we must understand the workings of power and realize that sex and feeling good is simply natural.
Feeling guilt about sex happens because systems of power impose restrictions and bias that devalue sex. Guilt is a simple mechanism used against our “temptations” to do what comes naturally.
But sex naturally feels good. That good feeling is the natural survival instinct that kicks in to motivate the reproduction of our species. In the same way a dandelian naturally spreads its seed freely in the wind, so too are humans naturally driven to spread seed. Without the wind, dandelions would die out. And if sex didn’t feel good, maybe humans wouldn’t reproduce.
In the past, sex was important for survival. But at this point of human evolution, other things like power and money are significantly more highly valued. Our technology has made sex no longer even required to reproduce, and with the catastrophic state of world overpopulation, reproduction is fast-becoming the anti-survival.
Still, sex instinctively feels good.
Whatever you do, make sex a fun thing. Make relationships, honesty, communication, and dignity count for something. Educate yourself on all the popssibilities and keep an open mind. Just because someone else has a different view about sex, don’t close it out. Some people are conservative, some are scared, some are misinformed, some like S&M, some are into wild orgies, some like toys, and some prefer sex with themselves. Avoid looking down on some activity just because you don’t know anything about it or it scares you—one day you might change your mind. Broaden sexual tolerances, deepen sexual experiences, be safe, learn from each other, and promote a general feeling of sex-positivity.
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